Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
