Kiss
Puke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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