wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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