I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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