dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
