I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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