if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
