Got a toothbrush?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
