The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
