May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My penis needs a shock collar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
