Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
