i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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