I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
