Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
