I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
