I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
