You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
pray to the hookup gods
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
