I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
