with your own penis?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
