I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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