Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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