I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
