is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
