why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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