If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my vagina is haunted
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dear god my vagina.
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