Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
