i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
where does the pee come out of this thing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
