Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
