I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
