i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
