how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
