i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
