I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
