Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
