I wanna bring you to show and tell
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
