You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
