is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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