I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
