I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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