she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
