Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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