I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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