At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
