I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
