okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
