it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
