If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
