she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
