i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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