all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
