you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
