you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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