At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
